It is the last day of January 2020. How was your first month of this new decade?
I started mine with enthusiasm and am ending it feeling exhausted. What is going on? My problem finder/solver mind kicked into high gear, speculating and catastrophizing and wrestling with what is: How can this be? What’s wrong? Why are things this way? What’s happening to me?
I meditated and asked my Higher Self “WTF is going on?” In my mind’s eye I saw an image of myself sitting in a nest high on top of an isolated pillar-like mountain top. I was half human, half bird. I had a beak and my body was pink and naked, except for the soft down feathers around my neck and the few feathers on my newly formed wings. I was alone.
I realized that my Higher Self was showing me that I was in the midst of a transformation and that I needed to be patient with my body and myself. While I had hatched, I still needed to grow some important parts before joining the rest of the flock, so to speak.
It all made sense. No wonder I was so tired. And to be honest, my resistance to this state of exhaustion was only adding to my fatigue.
In the meditation I asked my Higher Self what I should do? “Allow.” Of course.
I relaxed my body, exhaled, and surrendered to the process of becoming, relaxing into the unknown. I could feel my life force, my chi, begin to move again through my transforming body, assisting it to do what it needs to do more effectively and efficiently. I felt such relief.
Allowing is incredibly powerful. It is not a resigned, passive state of being where you give up and are a victim of circumstance. Allowing is a very powerful choice of non-doing. In this state of allowing, you are deeply relaxed, fully present and surrendered to/in the Now, noticing what is going on in and outside of you, so that, when the time is right, you know when to act with wisdom.
I felt regal sitting in my nest, allowing the changes to unfold, handing the process over to greater powers – to the wisdom of my body, my subconscious, my divine feminine, Nature, the universe – all much greater than my ego mind. Let’s be honest, some things – like growing wings or birthing the new – are best left to a force that knows what it’s doing.
I remembered my favourite Pema Chodron quote from her book When things fall apart: Heart advice for difficult times:
To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake, is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to always be in no-man’s land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh.”
This requires becoming comfortable with the unknown, seeing it as possibilities rather than a threat. It is process looks something like this:
What’s happening? I don’t know and I will discover more.
What’s happening? don’t know and that’s okay.
What’s happening? I don’t really need to know for sure and I trust I’m okay and I allow the unfolding.
How do you respond to being thrown/falling out of the nest? How do you relate to the unknown? Where can you relax and allow rather than resist what is? What is the advice of your own Higher Self?